Sick

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I thought my life was nearly perfect. But, what’s perfect is actually imperfect.

After struggling with loneliness and lack of recognition for nearly sixteen years, I thought, I had finally got the life I wanted. Such understanding parents who never got too angry to throw things towards their own children; amazing best friends who had always been good not only when I was on the peak of my fucking life but also when I fell into the bottom of it; someone special who made me feel so fucking precious for the very first time; the gift of intelligence I could always be ranked in the top three in senior high school; even when it comes to money, though not abundant, but was enough when I need it. For me, it was all so perfect. So. Fucking. Perfect.

Fucking perfect, for the past three years of senior high school. I reached my own peak of happiness when I was accepted into a university which is considered as one of the best state universities in this fucking country. Ah, such a perfect life, isn’t it? The campus was very nice. bourgeois, and prestigious anyone would be amazed when they find out I was a student there.

But, to be honest it was all the beginning of my fucking nightmares.

Everyone said that I, as a student of that university, would be very busy to the point that not only I wouldn’t have time for other people, but also even for my own body. They all said, you said, I would definitely lose all my time for everything. They said, you said, I wouldn’t be able to hang out with you guys anymore because of the busyness of doing assignments or even because of the new friends I would make there.

Fuck busyness. Fuck new friends.

At first, I admit it that I was busy. But not as busy as they were all imagined. I still had plenty of time for every one of you, for you. I would kindly skip any of my agendas for them, for you.

Forget them. I’m talking about YOU.

Thank you very much for being such an angel. I had never felt so much alive before. For the past three fucking years, I had been amazed of how a single person like you—despite the fact that you’re not totally ‘single’—could make a huge change in my life. I may be too much but it’s true that my grey-colored life had been filled with beautiful colors after you came into my world.

I could say that you’re a kind of… gift.

I’ve never felt so cherished before. I’ve never met someone who considers me so precious. But, like I said before: what’s perfect is actually imperfect.

You’ve got the right to interpret my words in your own way.

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